


Catch and Release

by SaltDaddyPearl



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, PTSD, Pearlapis, Pearlnet, Stockholm Syndrome, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-08-25 22:42:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16669768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaltDaddyPearl/pseuds/SaltDaddyPearl
Summary: In which we learn about Lapis Lazuli's capture, time in the mirror, and the aftermath of it all.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I'm still working on Black and White but I've had this idea bouncing around in my head for a while. This is a secondary ship I have. (Honestly, I ship Pearl with pretty much anyone.) Enjoy.

Lapis Lazuli was running as fast as her feet could manage. Tried as she might, she couldn't get her wings to form so she could fly up and out of the stampede of other gems swarming around her. The panic constricted her chest and made her head swim. The thing about Earth's terrain was that it was unpredictable. Her foot caught a rock and she was sent tumbling down to the ground. She stood no chance now. The amount of pressure and weight on her light form caused her to poof, leaving her gem exposed to swarm of feet attempting to flee the massive white light that was spreading across the sky. 

She looked up in time to see a massive gray gem with rainbow colored locks coming straight for her as she managed to get to her feet. The shape shifted fist collided with her back, right between her shoulder blades where her gem was. She felt her light form tumbling toward the dust as her true form cracked. Her light form sputtered and flickered as she hit the earth and then she was gone in a poof of smoke. The attacking gem snatched her up quickly and stowed her away before continuing her own fast paced journey away from the on-coming light. She knew for certain she didn't want to be caught up in that. It would only lead to worse things. 

She ducked down into a hole and tried not to hear the wailing of the others who were not able to outrun or hide from the assault. She gritted her teeth and closed her eyes, hoping beyond all hope that her own group was going to be OK. That she would be OK. There had been so many close calls in this damn war where she had looked death directly in the eyes and somehow managed to escape with her form unshattered. She didn't quite know how and she was worried that perhaps she was tempting fate these days. 

The mystery assailant stayed put for an unknown amount of time. Even after the cries and clanks had died down. She imagined the light had passed by this point but she was afraid of what she would see. The thing was, even though she was tough, seeing the shards of the ones you loved and fought alongside and fought for did something to you. 

Eventually she climbed from the hole, eyes moving around to survey the damage. It was worse than the strawberry fields. She wondered if any of these belonged to one of her comrades. Surely at least some of them did. She trudged on toward the agreed upon meeting place. After battle they would meet at previously designated location. She was surprised to see that she wasn't the first gem there. 

Pearl was leaning against the trunk of a tree, thin legs shaking and if it had been possible she would have certainly been paler. Her eyes roved the skies. Anywhere but the land stretched out before them where so many had lost their lives. Naturally Rose Quartz was standing not too far away. Her shoulders were rounded in defeat and heartache. 

“Bismuth!” Pearl breathed, wobbling forward and wrapping her arms around her friend. “You made it. I... I didn't think... You haven't seen anyone else have you?” Her head swiveled around in search of her other friends. 

“I haven't. Not yet anyway.” She hugged her back and pulled back to meet her gaze. 

They both knew what the other was thinking. Where was Garnet? Though she had gotten so much better at fight and honestly just existing as a gem, she wasn't always one hundred percent. The loss of her would be a devastating blow to them all. 

“I need to talk to Rose,” Bismuth said quietly. “Keep a look out?” 

She nodded mutely and returned to leaning against the tree, eyes peeled for any of her other companions. 

The gray gem walked up to her leader. “Rose?” She said softly. 

She turned to face her, big eyes full of tears that slipped down her face. “You made it,” she sniffled. 

“I made it,” she agreed with a small smile. “There's... There's something I've been working on. Something I need to show you. After this there's gotta be payback.” 

Rose looked tired and a little apprehensive. “Why don't we move a little further out this way?” She suggested, stepping further out of earshot of Pearl. 

“It's a weapon,” she explained. “We need to use it. They used their ultimate weapon and now it's our turn.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean they shattered all of us so we're going to shatter all of them. Every last diamond, starting with Pink.” 

Rose blanched. “We can't do that!” She cried. 

“What do you mean we can't? After what they just did us? To the Earth? To our friends?” Bismuth looked at her incredulously. 

“That would make us just like them! Plus how were you planning on getting close to them? You were created and born here! There's no way you'd get back to Home world to shatter a diamond. That's ridiculous.” 

“So you're telling me that you're OK with letting them destroy thousands of gems because we would be just like them?” Her face was getting hot and her voice loud. 

“Hush, you'll upset Pearl even more.” 

“I'll upset her? You think that she would be OK with you just letting the diamonds get away with massacre even though you have something right at your fingertips to take them out? You're not stupid, Rose! You could figure out a strategy!” She moved toward her, pleading at first. 

“How can you just sit by and let them do this to us? Unless... Unless you've been in on it this whole time?” Rage sparked in her eyes and she shifted her hand into a thick, heavy hammer. “You set us up to die!” She bellowed. 

Quick as a flash Rose drew her sword and plunged it into Bismuth's belly. “I'm so sorry,” she wept. “I don't want it to be like this but you can't do this. I can't let you and we can't do what you want us to.” 

Tears of rage and betrayal spilled down her great big gray cheeks before her form disappeared in a puff of smoke and her gem dropped to the dusty ground. Much to the surprise of Rose, a second and badly damaged blue gem fell beside it. Bubbling Bismuth, she bent and gingerly picked up the gem and examined it as she made her way back to Pearl. 

She heard a shout of joy and hastened her pace. When she arrived she found that Pearl had flung herself onto Garnet and was weeping openly. She was so glad that Garnet had made it. This wondrous and complex creature. 

She smiled sadly at her and received the same in kind. 

Pearl turned. “Where did Bismuth go?” 

“I told her not to go but she went looking for Garnet,” she sighed. “I'm sure she'll be back soon. We should still wait her to see if there are any others that come back. In the mean time I found someone else,” she said, holding up the dark blue gem. A deep crack ran through it. 

“Is that... Lapis Lazuli?” Pearl asked, stepping forward to examine the gem. 

“I think it might be.” 

“She's broken. Can she even reform?” 

“We can wait and see,” Rose suggested. 

“Hmm. Maybe. I want to be careful with her because I heard some rumors.” 

She nodded and dropped the gem into Pearl's palm, who turned it over and over between her long fingers. “I think I might know just what to do with her.” She bubbled her and put the bubble into her gem instead of transporting it away. “I'll have to tinker with it a bit first but I want to focus on waiting her for everyone to come back.” 

Even as it left her lips, it sounded hollow. She knew that no one was coming back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm trying to do some updates before I travel for two weeks and am away from a computer for that time. Hope y'all enjoy.

Of course Pearl had known all along that they weren't likely to see the return of a great many of their friends and comrades. She had scarcely made it back herself. She tried not to think of the shattered gem pieces she'd seen as she sprinted by desperately trying to avoid the white light. She knew that it hadn't been only the Crystal Gems that had suffered. A great many Home World gems had been caught in the cross hairs. She didn't begrudge them because it was so much easier to fall into line then risk being shattered for being different. Even if she was frustrated with their compliance did not mean she wanted to see the glimmering, glittering remains of these gems ground into the dirt like they meant nothing at all. 

To the Diamond Authority though, they did mean nothing. They all did. Whatever served to glorify and strengthen their power was what reigned supreme. Hot anger panged through her light form, even as she remembered her own past and the past of Rose Quartz. Their secret that she was forever bound to. She sighed and turned away from the fire. Garnet had disappeared into the cave to her left. She assumed it was to unfuse and process everything the two gems had witnessed. Pearl couldn't say that she blamed them. She wished Rose was here now so she too could do the same but her leader was nowhere to be found. 

She couldn't help but wonder if she felt the same guilt and shame about the lost lives of all the gems. They both knew that this strike was a direct retaliation to the supposed shattering of Pink Diamond. It made her face hot and her eyes burn. This was all her fault. Tears stung her cool cheeks as they spilled out then dripped off her chin. From there they either soaked into her tunic or created a puddle in the dirt below her. As much as she had hated her life as a servant she wondered if it was worth giving it all up at the cost of her kinfolk. 

She trembled and curled in on herself, clasping her knees to her thin chest. A warm hand on her shoulder caused her to jump and reach for a sword. Garnet looked back at her apologetically. “I didn't mean to frighten you,” she murmured. 

“You've gotten so quiet these days. Though, I suppose I was distracted.” She tried to hastily brush away her tears but Garnet stepped forward again and took her hand. 

“It's OK to be upset, you know. There's been a lot of loss. You're not the only one who feels bad either.” 

A fresh wave hit and she scooted forward to wrap her arms around the fusion. “I didn't know,” she choked out. 

“None of us did, not even me.” 

Pearl looked up at her. “This isn't your fault.” 

“Nor is it yours.” 

“I... You...” Her mouth worked furiously but the words wouldn't come out. She couldn't say it despite how much she wanted to. 

A twig snapped and the pair whipped around, weapons ready as Rose stepped into the light. “Still no sign of anyone. I guess this is it then. It's the three of us.” 

Pearl wilted. Their ranks had dwindled to the three of them. How were they ever going to survive on this primitive planet with nothing but the three of them? Not that she didn't love Rose and Garnet dearly but surely at some point they would all tire of one another. 

While Rose was very much interested in the humans Pearl and Garnet more or less kept their distance from them. 

She remembered the bubbled gem she had tucked away in her own and wondered if anything could be done to fix her. Maybe it would be a little less lonely with four of them. 

“We should move from here. We've been at this camp for quite some time and I don't want to get caught by anyone they may be sending back to shatter the rest of us that made it.” 

The two subordinates nodded in agreement, quickly kicking dirt to extinguish and hide the fire that they had made. 

“What are we going to do now, Rose?” Pearl asked in a small voice. 

“I don't know just yet but we will figure something out.” 

She nodded and fell quiet. The maroon gem had fallen into step beside the others without a word. She seemed deeply troubled and lost in thought. They all were. 

The trio walked for a long time soundlessly until they came to a warp pad. It was cracked but still usable if need be. 

“W-what's happening?” 

“We need to start fresh. Get away from this place and start a new life. This place holds too much sorrow for anything good to grow,” Rose said. 

Garnet nodded and stepped onto the pad beside her leader with Pearl following tentatively behind her. The pad gleamed a bright white and they were whisked away from the war zone. They touched down gently in a thick forest. This one was much different than the one they had just left. The trees were more lush and less touched by the humans on the planet. 

What is this place?” The white gem inquired, stepping down and turning her head to look around her. It smelled rich here. Piney and sweet with a hint of salt. 

“Isn't it lovely?” hummed the leader. 

She lead them onward through the woods, still on alert. She didn't think they'd be followed here but she still wanted to keep a close eye out for a while. Again, their trek was without talk but it didn't feel as dense as before. It was as if they had shed a heavy jacket when they stepped off the warp and into their new home. 

Rose finally came to a halt in front of the mouth of a cave that overlooked a grand beach. 

“I figured this could give us shelter and a vantage point. Plus it's so pretty look at.”

They all swiveled around to watch as the sun began its slow climb into the sky turning it a brilliant pinky orange. Even the most skeptical among them had to agree it was pretty magical. They sat down in the sand, shoulder to shoulder and watched as the sun fully rose and warmed their skin. 

* * * * * 

Meanwhile inside Pearl's gem there was a bubbled Lapis Lazuli. She knew that she was hurt, she could feel the pulsing throb of it. She couldn't reform. Not that she really wanted to at this point. The fear of being found or shattered or seeing what had happened when the great big white light had consumed everything around it. Perhaps that was why she was in so much agony. Or maybe this was what it felt like to be shattered. An eternity of pure pain and inescapable replaying of ones mistakes and fears. 

In her central system the same images played over and over again. All the times she had stepped out of line. All the times she had failed her diamond. All the times she had been a disobedient gem. She knew in her heart of hearts that the punishment she was receiving was her own fault. If only she had been a better gem.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I know this isn't exactly cannon compliant, but I wanted it to run along similar veins for the sake of the show. Kind of my own take on it. My apologies for my long hiatus. Life has been pretty hectic.

There was a deep pulsing ache throughout her whole entire gem. Lapis knew she was done for. There was no way she was coming back from this. If only she had listened and gotten out sooner. She couldn't help but wonder if this was what it felt like to be shattered. An eternity of pain and suffering, knowing you could never reform. Or maybe this was what happened to bad gems who had gone astray and hadn't obeyed the commands of their diamonds. Perhaps that was why the white light in the sky was for. She knew that the rebels had to be punished and wondered if they were experiencing the same thing she was. 

Her central system played out images of her life as it had passed. The ways in which she had been wrong in the world. Disobedience, fear, uncertainty. Not doing what she knew she was supposed to be doing and the worst part of it all was the small bit of hope that maybe the rebels, they'd called themselves the Crystal Gems, were on to something. That maybe they'd actually win against the Diamond Authority. 

If she was being totally honest, Lapis knew that her life hadn't been the worst. She'd seen the way other gems of lower castes were treated. Like pearls. Nothing but beautiful objects and empty heads, smiling docile up at their owners and saccharine words pouring from their lips. Their own abuse sustained with joy. It was awful. A particularly painful zap came with that thought. She knew this was it. This was going to be her life from her on out. 

* * * * * 

Several weeks had passed since the Diamond Authority had brought down the white light and destroyed all gems. It felt odd not to be training to fight some unknown thing anymore. The weapon had completed its purpose and it was likely that the Authority thought the Crystal Gems had been wiped out with everyone else. Before, with training and the fighting and the planning there had been some purpose. Now, there was nothing. 

Pearl idly wondered what Rose had planned to do after the war in the event that they won. Would they have taken over Home World? Stayed here? Not that it mattered, she supposed, because they were now trapped on Earth for an eternity. While the prospect of eternity with Rose had seemed like a thrilling one at the start of the rebellion she hadn't anticipated it being like this. 

Sometimes her thoughts became too much to manage and she'd go off on her own and leave her leader and Garnet to do what they pleased. It felt very overwhelming to have nothing but ones own thoughts after such a period of intense energy. She found herself going further and further all the time until she decided to warp back to the Strawberry Fields. By now small plants were beginning to regrow over the trampled ground. 

She remembered that day like it had just happened and it made her light form feel weighted down by pure sadness. She sighed and sat in the grass cross legged and stared over the field, surveying the damage for the what felt like the millionth time. It was then that she recalled the little blue gem she had found that day. It wasn't like her to forget things, especially when they were stored away in her gem. She pulled the gem out and it landed softly in her palm. 

Pearl gazed down at it, not sure whether to feel sad or happy. She hadn't known this gem and her alliance. Had she been trying to help them in some way? Or was she trying to shut down the rebellion? She sighed quietly and turned the cracked stone over in her hand. She knew that she could get Rose to heal the crack with her tears as she'd healed her own wounds. She made to stand but was startled by rustling and voices nearby.

She jumped to her feet, crouching low so as not to be seen. As fast and quiet as she could, she turned and made for the opposite cluster of shrubbery to hide in. She knew that she couldn't get to the warp pad to use it, the sound would draw too much attention.

Two large jasper soldiers came into view and Pearl had to clamp her hand over her mouth to keep from gasping. They were massive. And they looked like they were still intact. 

“I didn't find anything but shards and dust. I guess the geoweapon did its job,” one laughed. 

They stopped short and looked at the ground. Pearl realized in horror that in her hurry to hide she had dropped the lapis. 

One bent down to pick it up. “Look what we have here,” she grinned. “Should we just crush it and call it a day. Looks like its almost there anyway.” 

The other shook her head. “Not yet. Let's see what she has to say for herself. If she has valuable information pertaining to the rebellion it could help stop another if anyone else tries. Pull out the mirror.” 

The first jasper complied and pulled out a hand mirror, taking the cracked lapis and sticking it into the opening on the back. A brilliant light shown in a grid pattern as her powers merged with that of the mirror. A vicious wind whipped the trees and plants around and then settled back down. 

“Tell us everything you know about the rebellion, little gem. Tell us and we might just let you keep on existing.” 

The pair of soldiers stared at the mirror, which remained smooth and showed only their reflections back to them. 

“We know you're in there and can hear us. There's still power left in you. Now answer,” the second quartz bellowed. 

There was a pause and suddenly the flat surface began to ripple gently and images began to show across it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Another little shorty chapter for you all.

Pearl could feel her whole light form begin to shake. She was going to expose them all and they were going to die. How could she have been so stupid as to drop the gem? Why had she brought it out to play with? After all of their struggle this was how they were going to be finished. Because she had decided to keep secrets from her companions. She could feel tears of shame and fear beginning to burn the back of her eyes. She knew she had to get it under control. She was the renegade and if they saw her like this they would simply draw out her humiliation. Then what? 

She felt frozen to the spot in horror as she watched the quartz soldiers look at the mirror. She could only catch small glimpses of what was going on but not nearly enough to determine what was really happening. 

She heard one of them grunt in irritation. “Oh, so you think you're a funny gem, huh? Mocking Blue Diamond. We know you were a part of the rebellion. Don't insult our intelligence or that of Blue Diamond with your little games!” 

The fury in the soldier's voice made Pearl shiver a little. She'd faced a lot of things in her time at war but hell hath no fury like a quartz scorned. She knew what they were prone to do if things weren't going exactly how they wanted them to. It was never good for the gem on the receiving end of it, that was for certain. The thought made her crouch lower in her hiding spot. 

“Tell us about the Crystal Gems. Tell us where the rest of you are!” She roared, face darkening as she watched the same images play over the mirror's surface. 

There was a loud rustling just to the left of where Pearl was hiding and she felt her hands and feet go numb. This was it. She was about to be found by more of the Home World gems. She bowed her head and quietly pulled out her spear. She wasn't going to go down without a fight, though. She was a Crystal Gem after all. 

The noise caught the attention of pair down below in the clearing. They turned to see what was going on and Pearl readied herself for a fight. Much to her shock she saw a blur of color and something leaping over her into the clearing. It looked like a gem but it was so misshapen. It struck her that what she was seeing was a corrupted gem. Her stomach clenched in rage and sorrow. 

In their state of surprise, the mirror was dropped and the soldiers ran away. The corrupted gem was in hot pursuit behind them. Thinking quickly, the lithe gem leaptover the bushes and snatched the now-trapped gem and tucked it away back into her own gem. With ease, she sprinted back to the warp and returned to the beach where the rest of her friends were. 

She tried to steady herself as she walked along the sand but her mind was going a million miles a minute. What she'd seen... The corrupted gem. The quartz soldiers. Was the white light they'd been fleeing from responsible for what had happened to one of her fellow gems? It had to be. There was no other explanation. 

She'd arrived at the mouth of the cave. Peering inside she found Garnet meditating, eyes closed. The third eye in the center of her forehead popped open and looked at her. 

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you,” she murmured, moving to step back. 

The other two eyes opened and she turned her head. “I don't mind. You're a good distraction to have.”   
Pearl smiled rather shyly but made her way into the cave to sit across from her friend. She still felt very deeply shaken. 

“What's the matter?” 

“I've just seen... Well, I suppose it is the aftermath of the rage of the Diamond Authority.” 

Her brows shot up. “What do you mean?” 

“I mean that the Diamonds have- have done something awful.” Her voice faded to a whisper and she stared deep into the fire. 

Garnet stood and moved to her, tilting her chin up. “You need to tell me what you saw.” 

“They corrupted all the gems.” 

Her voice wavered and her throat grew tight. A deep seated rage played across the fusion's features. 

“They did what?” She snarled, falling back. 

“What's all the commotion?” 

Rose appeared beside the duo looking concerned. 

“Tell her what you saw, Pearl.” 

“The light, Rose... It was corruption.” 

She couldn't bear to face her leader. It was like she'd done this. In a way she had. She had been the one to encourage Pink's exploration. She was the one who had gone along with this stupid plan and now all of her friends, even her foes were done for. This was possibly even worse than being shattered. At least with shattering there was some finality to the suffering, but corruption was an eternal hell. 

Rose Quartz inhaled sharply. “How do you know this?” 

“I saw one. I was out for a walk to clear my head and I was hiding from a pair of quartz soldiers. I think they were sent back to make sure all of us were gone. Then I saw it. It chased them away.” 

Her eyes were glued to her feet, unable to even stand. The guilt and shame felt too heavy to move. 

A pair of large pink hands scooped her up and hugged her close. “This isn't your fault,” she whispered “They did this, not us.” 

She choked out a sob. “Our friends,” she wailed, fists grasping at the fabric of her dress. “Our friends!” 

There was a soft weeping coming from behind her and she knew without looking that Garnet was crying. The wetness that spilled onto her shoulders told her that her leader was as well. 

The three of them stood there for a long time, Garnet eventually moving up behind them face buried in the crook of Pearl's neck, and wept for the devastation of their comrades. After a while the tears eventually slowed then stopped and they sat down side by side in silence. It was heavy and thick with anger and sadness. They allowed it to seep into their light forms as they formulated a plan. 

“We'll find them all. We'll figure out a way to fix them,” Rose said suddenly. 

The others looked at her curiously. 

“Then we'll have our revenge.” 

She stood, towering over them with a fierce look. Determination set into her features. 

Pearl wondered if she should tell her about the lapis she had hidden away in her gem and decided now was not the right time.


End file.
